Why are people so obsessed with being in relationships?
For as long as anyone can remember, relationships have been everybody's priority. Since day one on that elementary school play ground, we've craved boy's attention. Tugging on our ponytails, throwing pebbles at us, pushing us down the big yellow slide head first, were all signs that he liked us. We were taught that if a boy is mean to you, he's into you. Suffice to say, that this is a world renowned fallacy that has infested every girl's mind since day one on the playground. Looking back at previous relationships (Disclaimer: Not boyfriends, just friends) I couldn't help but realize one very common denominator - I would always find an excuse for their mistakes.
Why didn't he call?
Maybe he lost my number. I did write it on the back of his homework.
Why didn't he ask me to the dance?
Well, he knows I don't like crowded places. If anything, he's being considerate of my feelings.
Why did he ask my best friend out on a date...and not me?
We are really great friends, perhaps, this is his way of saying he appreciates me more.
I mean c'mon, ladies! When did we become excuse-generators for these types of behaviors? We not only excuse their lame defenses, but we read far too much into everything they say. We can turn a simple, Hey, you're in my class right? What was the homework, again? Into an elaborate story as to how he's your soul mate who just asked you to be his girlfriend.
*attack laughing emoji*
FYI: there are two very distinct relationship style approaches,
(1) feminine approach
(2) masculine approach
Do not operate under the assumption that all males will approach relationships in a masculine style, and never assume all females will operate in their natural feminine style. Although, 9/10 will act accordingly, it's important to never assume you know a person. If you'd really like to master the art of reading others, you must put your feelings second, and focus entirely on how your partner communicates.
65% of our communication is expressed through our non verbals. Meaning, even when you're literally not saying anything, you could be shouting at the top of your lungs. The thing is that women pick up on these non verbal cues better than men can. When comparing both genders, women will always, emphasize on non verbals, where as men, will emphasize on exactly what you do say.
This is where we see couples fighting because she said she didn't care what they did for her birthday, so then he literally takes into account what she said and applies it on that day - the act of not caring. Her big day arrives, and although she said she didn't care what they did, she's secretly hoping he has this elaborate surprise party planned, with just a hundred of her friends, a bouquet of one hundred roses, and a new puppy. Reality check : they spent the day on her couch, watching reruns of The Office, eating a pizza in their sweats. Although, for some, this actually sounds like an ideal date, for her this is a sign that he doesn't love her, and serves as grounds for immediate termination of the relationship. The following day, there is no more him and her, there is just her.
The proceeding story is 100% true, and two people were harmed in the making of this miscommunication.
Let's start off with who's to blame here... she is! Men will listen to exactly what we say, they'll take word for word, and quote it verbatim. If you say, I think flowers are a waste of money, they'll know to never, ever buy you a bouquet for as long as you shall live. If you're walking by the cutest little flower shop and, HINT, that those lilies are beautiful and would look great on your dining room table, he WILL tell you,
Flowers are just a waste of money.
Please be careful with what you say. Pouting and trying to be cute doesn't always work out for you and can make you sound needy, and look very desperate. Here's an idea, how about, instead of hinting, you use your words, and actually say what you want.
We've been programed to associate negative interactions as a sign of affection. Could this be the reason why so many people are in the worst relationships of their life? At what point in our lives are we able to recognize the difference between, he's just not that into you and he likes you, but he doesn't know how to tell you. Is this why we're attracted to people who are bad for us, the people we know we can't have? There can be two men in front if you,
(1) the perfect guy on paper - smart, respectful, approachable, loving...
(2) the fixer-upper who's full of sexual animosity, doesn't work or study, but has got Jamie Dornan written all over him
Most girls end up going with the fixer-upper guys because they need something to keep them busy. They need to feel that they're in control, that they have power over you. Why are these the guys that most girls are attracted to - the jerks? What is is about their rude, aggressive nature that makes them so attractive to the opposite sex. Could it be that girls are attracted to what's bad for them because they've been told this in the past? Are girls the genesis of all good guys turning bad? Is it the guy's fault for giving us the heartbreak romance ever girl yearns for?
Dating in college isn't as hard as people are taught to think. You see, that's the first thing that's wrong with our society. People are taught what to think and not how to think =. This makes it a little difficult for people to formulate their own opinion about life, dating, money, and any other abstract idea in life. Dating shouldn't be as difficult as everyone else makes it out to be. If anything it should be exponentially easier, why? For starters, in college you have the capability to pick and choose your hours, the people you interact with, the way you present yourself. This isn't high school. You don't need to be best friends with the girl who sits next to you in first period, you don't need to play a sport ti fit in, you don't need to be ashamed about being a try hard in class. Having to not deal with the repercussion of social reciprocity is one of the any benefits of dating in college. Not needing to explain every second of your life to others is a form of independence in itself. Your weekends don't need to be filled with community service hours, you don't get sentenced to Saturday tutoring / detention, and your debate team meetings shouldn't exceed one hour increments. In my opinion, this is the greatest advantage of dating in college. You're finally forming your own life, and you get to decide who you'd like in it.
I get so confused when girls and guys freak out because they're single. You're finally getting a little release from authority, from the constant need to be told what to do, where to go, and what to wear (I wore uniform in high school, so the whole non-uniform thing, is very liberating) and it's like people need it still. The constant authority. Some people are so used to being dependent, the idea of being on your own is too frightening to understand. Could it be that people aren't afraid of being single, but afraid of having to deal with the biggest relationship of all, you and yourself?
In a world where labels define you, are we all secretly shopping for that one label that'll ultimately shape our lives -
"In a Relationship"